Hi there, dear reader! I hope your week was good!
I have once again been contemplating a name change for my blog/personal Instagram. I am unable to stay consistent LOL And building a brand of my own isn't as easy as one may think. What do you think of the name PaperPersephone then?
Anyway, on to today's topic! Strap yourselves in, this one's a bit on the sensitive side.
I have noticed that making friends has gradually become extremely difficult over the past decade. As someone who has never been a party-animal, I used to find different ways to make friends; through the internet. And that is just my generation's (as well as the next) way of connecting with others all over the world.
The way I used to make friends was simply to talk to anyone I found online, make small-talk, add them to my friendlist, and keep talking to them every (other) day. While chatting I would express my interests, my thoughts and feelings, and we would discuss various topics. Sounds very basic right? That's how making friends used to go.
But it's not like that anymore, at least not in my experience. The way people treat friendships has changed drastically and it's honestly upsetting whenever I have this urge to expand on my circle of friends.
I will try to make a list of the problems I have encountered with making friends nowadays. Keep in mind that all of this is just my opinion and you do not have to agree with it. This is written from the perspective of someone who constantly fails making friends because of the following things.
Slow responses A lot of people expect you to respond to them within a couple of minutes. This becomes an issue when you yourself prioritise your life outside of the Internet above a text message. I.e. you're trying to do the dishes, laundry, tidying up, shopping, taking care of your kid, your pet, or even making and eating food. I found that a lot of people take personal offense to you not responding to them, and almost in a manipulative way ask "am I boring? Do you not like me? Am I not important enough?" . Whether or not this is someone with anxiety speaking, it is still a hassle to keep them happy by responding to them within a single minute while also trying to take care of yourself. If you are someone with anxiety, fearful of someone not responding to you quickly enough especially after you saw their "read" receipts, keep in mind that you too need to go to the toilet sometimes, that you too need to get some food. Are you focusing on texting someone when you're taking care of your basic needs? If your answer is yes to that, consider distancing yourself from the online world, because this is just not healthy for you, and the people who are constantly trying to meet your social needs.
Apathy People just... don't seem to care about each other anymore. You can ask someone "how are you?", but not get the same question in return, ever. You can express to someone something that troubles you, but they show no interest in helping you or comforting you, and move on to their own problems which they deem "more important than yours". (The latter is different for everyone. I'm not saying people actually straight up claim that their own problems are more important that someone else's, as everyone's feelings and emotions are valid no matter what. But it is more in a sense of that there's this silent competition about who deserves to be comforted more, rather than two parties making an attempt to comfort each other.) The number of times I have seen friends and acquaintances in conversations like this: F: xyz happened today, I'm not really feeling good A: oh A: I've been feeling shit this entire week and I honestly just wanna [censored to avoid triggering anyway] F: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that , can I do anything? (Keep in mind that this person isn't feeling well either.) A: No, I'm just gonna go play a game or something *logs off* Now of course, you can argue that you cannot fix someone if you yourself are broken. But the goal shouldn't even be to fix each other, that's not even within our power. Our goal should be to let one each other know that they are not alone in whatever they're going through and that at the very least they can try to ease the pain a little by just chatting about something fun, play a game, etc. I find it personally so difficult to be friends with someone who always requires me to be there for them, but when I need a friend I'm unable to ask the same in return because they don't even bother to acknowledge that something is wrong. I'm not asking for someone to kiss my ass, shower me in compliments and give me 100% of their attention. All I ask is to be acknowledged, and to at least see/hear/feel that someone cares for my well-being. It takes 0 effort to show that you care. If you don't care, why are you two friends?
Friendship > Dating Anyone else notice that nowadays people want to jump into relationships without actually getting to know the person they're interested in? What if you're dating and you start discovering personality traits of your partner that you don't like? Suddenly you're single again and start from square 1, having learned nothing from your previous experience. I'll leave this one like it is, because... Not much else needs to be said, honestly.
Clique-mentality I genuinely passionately dislike cliques, or just groups who just are not interested in talking to other people. This is not the same as just not having an interest in making new friends, but being head-strong on this group of friends you're so close to and literally ignore anyone who approaches you in a friendly way. This is something I've been experiencing a lot in the past years, while putting myself out there and opening up to conversations with new people. Only to end up getting the door shut in my face. It's kind of like a hive-mind mentality, not allowing anyone to join in the conversation unless the rest of your friends agree to it too to the point people are actually being rude towards those who are just saying "Hello, how are you?". I don't know, it's just kinda gross to me but you can't do anything about it either.
Different beliefs Whether this is political or religion. Either way, it's terrible how people just cannot find the courage to put their differences aside to just have a normal conversation. Isn't it supposed to be normal that everyone has different opinions and that it's totally fine to not agree on a couple things? Why can't you be friends with someone who likes pineapple on pizza? Because you think it's gross? It's not like they're forcing it down your throat, right? Grow up.
S I G H
The world and people are so complicated and I fear that it will only really get worse. People think it's okay to not care about each other, define someone's personality by their opinions, and everyone complains that they're lonely and can't make friends.
Maybe it's time for us to change a little.
I am grateful for...
my health and the ability to see a doctor and get treated if necessary.
This week's song:
Question of the week:
What is your favourite comfort drink? (If your response is going to be alcohol... just don't answer at all lmao)
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